You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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