I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
