She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize