i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
