Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
