before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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