Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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