I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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