Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So vagazzling was a success
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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