so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
