walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
