I smell stomach acid.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
