I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
