1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
