i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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