Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
