At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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