Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
