You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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