Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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