Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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