he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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