I wish my penis had an off switch
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
