It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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