I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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