You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
