It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
