I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so let's talk penis.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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