then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
These tits shall not be calmed
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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