Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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