My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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