why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
