dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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