Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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