im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
