well I can't set my house on fire every night
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
