porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
