So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
