I think my vagina is haunted
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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