And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
