is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
