just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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