I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just want nice things and good sex
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
