I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
