Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
