i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
