My friends, they love my intelligence
no. you can't hotbox the world.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We're using joints as your birthday candles
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
