you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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