when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Randomize
