I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
