I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The ass gains better be worth it
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