Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
