Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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