i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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