I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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