i need an iv and a liver transplant
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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