He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
