finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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