Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
