Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
