I have demons in me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
