You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
