Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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