I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
